eternals-marvel

NEW ‘ETERNALS’ TRAILER: IS IT AS DULL & “WOKE” AS IT LOOKS?

-Marvel released a new teaser trailer for their upcoming Phase 4 this past Monday. 

-The brief video scoop has been heavily panned by fans in both YouTube and other social media. 

The ‘Eternals’ may not turn out to be so long-lasting after all!

So, the few glimpses into what is to be Marvel’s Phase 4 has left the fandom quite split. 

While the news about the joining of the Scarlet Witch with Dr. Strange in the latter’s upcoming sequel (aka ‘Doctor Strange: In the Multiverse of Madness’) has left many-a-fan intrigued, and the next Spider-Man flick is something you’ll always find someone nearby dishing about, “excitement” wasn’t exactly the first impression expressed by many viewers upon their virgin watch of the new ‘Eternalsteaser trailer

Marvel finally put it together and released a sneak peek into their new Phase 4 project this past Monday, featuring Hollywood heavyweights in its cast of the likes of Angelina Jolie, Salma Hayek, the former ‘King in the North’ from Game of Thrones, Richard Madden, Mr “Know-Nothing” John Snow, aka Kit Harrington, and beloved ‘Stranger Things’ youth icon Millie Bobby Brown. Notwithstanding its impressive presentation card, the trailer left most fans severely let-down, with many decrying its ‘dullness’ and lack-luster nature.

Are they right? Is this just “another brick” in the already-collapsing wall of “Woke”?

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A Very Boring Peekaboo?

Let us try to put things a little bit into perspective. 

Who are the Eternals?

The ‘Eternals’ – as are known in the extensive Marvel super-hero universe- are a group of “super-powerful, immortal beings” (so says Marvel.com), who’ve chosen to spend their endless days on Earth watching over humanity, but never really engaging in any one way of any actual consequence. – Yeah… Nice to know that these folks were just lying around while Thanos was wiping out half of humanity, but WHATEVER!

Passive-aggressiveness aside, it appears the group of disenchanted heroes will finally stumble upon a sufficiently good reason to make a show of their powers, which is -we suppose- the whole motivation behind the new flick. 

Are they any popular?

No. Not by any realistic view. They’ve had their hard-core minimal following throughout the years, but they never really managed to grasp the attention of comic book fans like other more successful series like X-Men, Amazing Spider Man, Captain America, or even the often-panned Fantastic Four. – Hell! Even the F4 get more likes per post than these f*cks, but WHATEVER.

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Why make this movie in the first place?

Looks to us that, in all reality, this is nothing but the “labour of love” of Hollywood’s wokest superstars, eager to get a hold of the popularity points that being a screen superhero does bring.  So, it wouldn’t surprise us if Angelina Jolie paid a very insisting phone call to the producers at Marvel a couple of years back, looking for the “humble” opportunity to star in some of the new projects intended for Phase 4 ahead; Hollywood moguls being the deranged cash-grabbing orcs they are, quickly said yes and took hardly any time in recruiting the most “diverse” cast they could think of… People in All Colorsbecause that will cure world rac*sm, of course. :/

(Don’t take the last too seriously though, we just made it up, but doesn’t that sound impressively feasible?)

What is the “problem” with the trailer?

Well, the premise in of itself isn’t that bad all; a group of extraterrestrial super-beings coming to Earth during its early human stages is very interesting idea (ask any fans of the “History” Channel), it is probably the implications presented in the trailer in regards to the plot that don’t seem to make much sense. 

Salma Hayek takes the voice-over credits in this one, and truth be told, her English diction has improved quite a lot since her times as the snake-dancing girl in Tarantino’s ‘From Dusk Till Dawn’ from 1996. For a moment there, I almost believed it was Angelina playing her typical obnoxious foreign accent bit, but no… Salma it was:

We have watched and guided. We have helped them progress (referring to human kind), and seen them accomplish wonders. Throughout the years we have never interfered, until now.” 

The last was Salma’s brief speech in her role as Ajak, a formerly male character, possessing the powers of energy manipulation and cellular-crafting abiles, same that give the Eternals their neverending lifespan. She joins a set of other familiarly named ‘gods’, and a little bit of knowledge of Greek mythology will probably have you see the similarities between their nomers and that of the classic Olympians. For instance, Angelina’s Thena is clearly “Athena”, the warrior goddess, and Richard Madden’s ‘Ikaris’ is simply a slight rewording of the original Ikarus character from antiquity as well. There’s also a little bit of diversity as applied to the lore, with Korean-born actor Ma Dong-seok playing the part of Sumerian demi-god Gilgamesh. They didn’t tweak the name much for that one. – Though we thought it a bit odd they would cast an Asian to portray a Middle-Eastern character, but WHATEVER!

The two things that made fans bicker the most were: 1-The fact that they claim to have seen no reason to interfere in the past in any contundent way whatsoever (which falls a little bit flat after the succession of mass-murdering catastrophes the poor Avengers were forced to quell), and, 2-The UTTER DULLNESS of the trailer itself.

Dull How? – Hardly any action, lots of “emotions” and the occasional “Women are better than Men’ ‘ gimmick, which, let’s be honest, is already getting a little bit tiresome for the audiences.

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BUT NEVER MIND THE FANS. As Disney already has plenty proven, they don’t give a rat’s ass about what the fans like, prefer or would like to see on screen. All they seem to want is to continue with their condescending hyper-moralistic views on human interactions… Social relevance aside, that IS NOT WHAT MARVEL FANS LOOKED FOR IN THEIR COMICS.

But nevermind… is not like our opinion – or anybody else’s- will ever count in any respect. They will probably bring the uber-successful Marvel franchise down to the ground, and their overall earnings as well.

Our only comfort? Not that ‘Captain Marvel’ didn’t manage on its own to antagonize the fans worldwide a few years back, but the ‘Eternals’ looks effectively posed to be the final blow of the annoying Wokeness take applied in recent times to Marvel’s fascination universe.

In the meantime, we’re keeping our fingers crossed it doesn’t turn out to be the cinematic pompous turd it appears to be. 

Where the HELL are the new X-MEN anyway? Jebuschrist!

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